This stage of the training towards black belt testing has become very personal. I suppose everyone has their own personal demons in life that they either try to overcome or ignore, manage or bury, accept or deflect. I guess its a measure of the black belt test, that one eventually has to address oneself at this level. I get the feeling that the rest of the sihings have also come to this very personal struggle in their training. We have all gotten rather quiet and subdued.
Sometimes I feel like giving up. After all, its not work, or family, or finances. And I've really enjoyed being a sihing, so why not continue as one? Why do I need to add this stress, which seems so unneccessary, to the stresses of my own personal life? Its such a relief when I imagine my life without the upcoming test, or the responsibility of being a sifu, and continuing into the next year enjoying the privileges of being in I Ho Chuan, Chi Gong, Lion Dance, the workshops, seminars, and so on.
Then I feel bad about Sifu Brinker. Over and over again for the past 10 years, I've heard him say that this is the most important thing you will ever do; it will transform you . . . blah blah blah. But he says it with such conviction that i need to stop for a moment and properly think about those statements. Why is it the most important thing for me? Why will it transform me? I find that the answer lies within my present struggles. It's all about self improvement, at a level that previous tests in my life have not addressed. Furthermore, this test and journey has a critical impact on the things that I deem more important in my life - family, job, health and well-being. Thus far, this journey has indeed transformed me. There's sifu brinker, on the other side of this giant gorge, beckoning and saying, 'No, THIS will transform you.'
3 comments:
I agree with Master Brinker that getting a blackbelt transforms your life.
I remember when I was approaching my blackbelt test, it was a lot of stress and work. But I kept going because I knew if I didn't do it, I would regret it forever after. For me, it wasn't only about getting the blackbelt (the prestige, the responsibility, etc.) it was about keeping a promise to myself to go as far and as hard as I could. Learning to keep promises I've made to myself is one of the most useful skills I've developed.
But I still remember being scared and unsure. It would have been way easier to stay a Sihing. After all, I got the benefits of being a student without the stress of constantly learning new things. It was really comfortable for me. But that's what this is about, getting out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself where you don't want to be. It was a scary thought to be a blackbelt...how could I live up to that? But I realized that if I didn't go through with it I would regret it the next class when I saw the blackbelts line up at the front of the class, where I wanted to be. I would be right back there next year, trying again. So I took the plunge. It was scary, but good scary. I needed to do it.
Granted, it takes sacrifice...a lot of sacrifice, but sometimes your development as a person is worth the sacrifice. You only have a couple of months left to go, don't get discouraged and put all your hard work to waste! Realize that your worth sacrificing for. You have no idea how amazing you'll feel after hobbling home from the black belt test and collapsing into bed. You'll be able to lay there and say to yourself, "I did it! I made it through everything and I did it!"
It'll be the best night sleep you will ever have in your entire life, I guarantee you that!
We are all behind you 100%. I truly believe there isn't one person you have not touched in one way or another in our whole school. Keep showing use the way ...
I'm unable to put into words the path of leadership you are creating; the ways to train, sharing the frustrations, picking a person up when you've told yourself enough, you have a gift when comes to instructing, think the yield on Clair'e vine and how it will produce when the time comes, Roert Tymchuk.
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