I'm using this journal entry to help organize my thoughts. Tommorrow I will be starting the UB7 daily training. My tommorrow will look like this:

Horse stance; hold for a total of 10 minutes
Pushups: 150
Situps: 150
Kicks: 75
5 Animal Chi Kung Form: 1 - 2
Tai Chi Sword: 4
Curriculum Technique: 4
Knitting Meditation: 20 mins
Walk, bike, spin, Kayak, or Hike: 18 mins
Consume no caffiene: day one of 365
Cleanse: Day one of 10
Meditation Journal Entry: 1
Garbage Journal Entry: 1
Read: 1 of 6 books on garbage, or 1 of 6 books on meditation.

There's one thing that I already want to add to this daily routine. Weight training. This category will include the stretches and will focus on the things I have been advised to do given injuries and arthritis issues. Over the next week, I will put together a program that I can do at home and at the gym.

I can chip away at the horse stance, pushups, situps, and kicks during the day and aim to have them all done by 9 pm. Forms, self propelled travel, and techniques will have to be done in the evening before bedtime usually, but it will be a bonus if I get them done before hand, like when I'm at class, or at open training etc. Then the evening can be all about a pleasant wind-down. Starting with the chi kung form, followed by 20 minutes of knitting meditations, then the journal entries. I always read a book before I fall asleep for the night, so no trouble there.

UBBT7 starts in a couple of weeks and I'm getting nervous. Preparation for this challenge did not go as well as expected in some things. Pushups is my main concern. In preparation, I actually stopped doing pushups, and booked some physiotherapy to fix a 'frozen??' left shoulder. The healing did not go as quickly as I had hoped (my timeline may have been unrealistic). The upshot of it all is that, with only 2 weeks left until UB7 starts, my left shoulder is still a work in progress, and my back and neck is very sore from all the adjustments, and pushups are a problem.

Sifu Laurie gave me some words of advice that I MUST listen to this time round. Vary the position of my arms and hands for the pushups, do opposite stretches like that superman one and bench lifts backward. I really want to train smarter this year. How many times do I have to hear the same advise???

I won't go through my entire list of UB7 requirements. Much more interesting to introduce them gradually. I have 5 physical requirements (pushups and situps and kicks is one), 3 Health requirements, 3 Martial Arts requirements, and 3 personal/spiritual growth requirements. That's ALOT. What was I thinking??? Never mind; they are all pretty exciting.

I spent the last couple of months preparing for most of my requirements. The above mentioned shoulder fix was one. Much more successful was preparation for the chi kung, the one year caffeeeine free, the tai chi sword, and meditation requirements.

Chi Kung: I want to do this form 500 times this year (or six times a week). In preparation, I took Sifu Olsvik's second set of chi kung sessions. And I issued a challenge to all chi kung students to join me in practicing this form regularly. So, there will be a little chi kung community to keep things going.

Caffeine Free Year: I had reduced my coffee intake this last year by eliminating the 2 - 3 cups of coffee I drank at work each day and instead drinking hot water which I like. A month ago I eliminated coffee completely and have avoided all other caffinated beverages. So I'm good to go on that one.

500 repetitions of Tai Chi Sword and one public performance with at least 3 other students: I employed the strategy of interweaving personal goals on this one. The tai chi sword is my weapon routine for the chinese new year ceremony, so I have had Sifu's Hayes, Frietag, and Wilson full support and attention in learning this form. I'm not sure how much of this form I have learned, but I am very happy with the progress in the techniques and form so far. Sifu's L. Shipalesky and Dennis have committed to preparing for the public performance this summer with me. Other students have shown an interest in participating, and I am excited about that too. And I have issued a challenge to fellow UBBT7 students to join in also.

Meditation requirements: I have secured a copy of 'Mindful Knitting: Inviting contemplative Practice to the Craft' by Tara Jon Manning. And I have selected the projects from this book - so I have a 'course curriculum in knitting meditations'. My knitting basket is ready with most sizes of needles and yarn for the projects.

So, nervous, but excited.

This has to be a record for me, and I'm proud of it in a twisted sort of way. One month less 2 days of no journal entries!!!! I was hoping to make it all the way to Jan. 1, 2010, when the UBBT7 journalling would start. But now I'm feeling much too naughty and selfish.

In actual fact, I have been feeling pretty exhausted of words and drained of thoughts. I really had no idea the amount of time and effort and focus that would be required of me after the initial black belt test, and up until the ceremony. Its alot of work coordinating practice times with 5 other candidates, making corrections and improvements, attending rehearsals and meetings. Unfortunately, I'm also run ragged with other things which cannot be ignored. I often wonder how long I can keep the pace up. And a number of times, I've felt sure that I would have to abort the whole black belt journey.

Though I'm happy, and surprised to still be in the running this week, I do look forward to a little bit of a slower pace.

I'm really becoming very interested in this Chi Kung stuff. Aside from the classes, which are great, I have started reading a few books that I found at the library. I've dug into one book, 'Harnessing the Power of the Universe: A complete Guide to the Principles and Practice of Chi-Gung' by Daniel Reid. It explains things quite well, but there are so many concepts to learn and understand; Chi, three Treasures, Polarity of Yin and Yang, Three Elixir Fields, Three Powers, Five Elemental Energies, Meridians, Eight Extraordinary Channels, an on and on. It would be overwhelming if one was in a rush to learn it all. I have decided to take my time, and enjoy and contemplate what I am reading, and reflect on the reading and the classes in a special journal. And this will be incorporated into my UBBT7 goals.

Chi Kung is very much a form of moving or standing mediation, according to the book I am reading. On this vein, I'm reading another exciting book; 'Mindful Knitting; Inviting Contemplative Practice to the Craft', by Tara Jon Manning. I was drawn to this book because the last three months of preparing for the black belt test were so intense that I began to yearn for a simplification, relaxation and a slowing down of my life. I love knitting, and as the author of this book states, 'There is a relationship between the work of the hands and the qualities of the mind'. Knitting, for me is both grounding and fulfilling; mindful knitting promises to create a quiet, calm state of being, where my thoughts become kinder, towards myself and my world. The book contains directions on mindful, meditative practices of knitting as well as some simple projects - dishclothes, scarves to knit as we engage in the practice. I hope to include these activities in my UBBT7 goals also.

Related to the above projects in chi kung, meditation and mindful knitting is the concept of Charity Knitting: knitting a blanket, hats, etc to donate to homeless people in Canada or needy people in other countries. Both of the books mentioned above address the concept in engaging in activities that benefit others.

In the Chi Kung book:

'In human life, most people enslave their minds and spend their energies to serve their bodies and satisfy their desires, thereby mistaking the servant for the master. In the higher orders of the universe, which human life was designed to reflect, spirit is the master, and energy is the tool through which the spirit expresses its creativity in the material form. . . one must learn to balance physical health and vitality with spiritual awareness and virtue. . .'

In the Mindful Knitting book:

Through our mindful activities, we first begin to feel our own tender hearts and discover, perhaps to our amazement, that they have a rich capacity to hold joy and sadness. Now that we're finding this quality within our own hearts, we can almost magically begin to see this capacity in others. The bridge for making this connection to others is our deepening understanding of the basic goodness inherent in every moment. As our experience of basic goodness matures, it hits a sort of saturation point, and its focus begins to shift automatically from our inward situation to the world at large. . . Just as our notion of basic goodness expands and spills over, so do our mindful actions in the world at large, making it a better place, situation by situation, person by person, stitch by stitch.'

The UBBT7 requires a spiritual education\growth component. This is how I will address it.

This week went quite well.

I did a 7 day cleanse. As a result, I experienced an increase in energy, more positive mood, less stiffness in the joints, much better sleep, and significant weight loss. The significant weight loss was the worrisome part. I believe I lost 10lbs. According to all the conventional wisdom, this is bad (a maximum weight loss of 2lbs per week is reccommended by the medical and nutritional experts), and I wonder if the wieght will stay off. We shall have to see. Other than that little worry, I would do the cleanse again because I do feel alot better. In the meantime, it would be nice to find more 'scientific' research results on this cleanse, which was the Master Cleanse, or Lemonade Diet. Its been around since the 1940's; my grandmother used it and reccommended it to my parents who drink a lemon, honey, cayenne pepper adaptation every mornining before breakfast. Of course, certain naturopathic 'gurus' such as Tom Woloshyn have written books about the cleanse, and claim to know what we are doing to our bodies when we adhere properly to this diet. However, the books contain no scientific backup, and the author's credentials are self claimed experience only. I blame the establishment for this; our medical institutions steer clear of naturopathic research and regulatory systems and so the public is left to fend for themselves.

Chi Kung class started on Thursday. What a surprise to see far more than the maximum capacity of 12 students at this class. My estimate is 15 - 18 students. It seems that alot of the guys really loved it - didn't get feedback from the females yet. Though this is a repeat class for me, Sifu Oslvik introduced many new components to the warm-up and teaching. Highlights of the class were Sifu Oslvik's demonstration of power as he transitioned from horse stance to pushed in bow stance. The power generated from his grounded leg, up to the hips and on. One got the impression that the recipient of a punch generated in this fashion would have been propelled backwards several feet at least. I look forward to working on this myself, and incorporating it into the Lao Gar form.

Sihing class was small due to continued flu-like issues. The Pandemonium circuits were completed with little time left over for discussion, during which time Sifu Brinker spoke about the stances for tiger claw in Lao Gar (alot of work still needed to achieve the power and stability required - but that will come with the practice of Chi Kung stance transitions mentioned above), and living in the present moment which is something I would like to somehow incorporporate into my UBBT requirements.

Lion Dance class was great. We have nearly finished learning the double lion dance. It is time now to focus on our own individuality during the freestyle portions of the dance. I had the opportunity to step in as the tail for Mr. Embury, who is in the role of the young lion in the double lion dance. This allowed me to appreciate what he is adding to the routine. We still need somebody who is interested in taking on the role of Buddha. The dance is not complete without someone who will take on this role seriously.

Saturday was a good day too. Helped role pennies for the Malawi girls. Shoalin class was a fun workout of the core - too bad we didn't have a camera to capture some of the partner work Sifu Frietag had us do. During open training, a few of us I Ho Chuan students worked hard on the bokken form assignment. Repetition beyond what we felt was enough took us to new levels of self critique and appreciation of the form. Though the form is short, there is actually alot to perfect and master. The only dissappointing aspect of open training was the lack of attendance - I'm sure the flu had something to do with that. Hope everyone is ok.

Well, that was my week, and I'm pleased with it.

This last week, since the final portion of the black belt test, I took a little break. Less than 100 pushups, all week. Even less situps. No visit to Servus place for aerobic, strength training. Though the body needs the break, I feel I'm in dangerous territory. At sihing class on Friday, Sifu Brinker spoke about how easy it is to break a habit: 3 days. I'm the type of person that requires a framework by which I can develop and maintain good habits. The long term goal of preparing for the black belt test worked extremely well for me. At this time of transition from pre to post black belt test, I have been actively reflecting on the collection of habits that I would like to keep, and also, I'm seeking another framework. Hence, I signed up for UBBT7. That doesn't start right away, so I'm considering some preparation-type framework. Sifu Prince had mentioned a cleanse or detox a while back and that got me thinking. Seems like a great idea. Additionally, I need to repair some of my chronic injuries; shoulder needs therapy, for example - I need to debind the muscles and tendons around the socket so that I am less resistant to the therapist's work, so less pushups is not a bad idea . . . but not for too long. The lack of visits to the gym are worrisome; I'm trying to transition back into a volleyball/badminton mom, and this is upsetting the schedule of training I had at Servus place. I want to change the running of stairs, the kicks, and the stationary bike, to spin classes - but the schedule at both Servus and TLC conflict with upcoming post test requirements at kung fu. Thankfully, Chi Kung starts this week, and the classes will provide the impetus I require to get going on all the things I am hoping to incorporate over the next year. Even so, I feel rudderless at the moment; and reinstating old habits as well as developing new ones will require alot of energy and will power.

This Pandemonium fundraiser has tested me at a number of levels.

1. At first the test or challenge was at the sihing/black belt candidate level: being a leader, making a difference, contributing to a successful campaign. I put my writing gloves on, and got to work. My contribution would be to raise awareness of the foundation, its projects, and their relevance to us. Thus, the kwoon-talk and blog posts about Malawi girls, The Simon Poultney Foundation, SCARS, and The Children's Disability Fund. I felt I put some quality work into those posts, but lack of reaction from fellow students caused me some inner turmoil. Was the message not reaching out to or inspiring my fellow students? Were fellow kwoon talkers put off by the whole Pandemonium thread, and thus only inspired to hit 'delete'? And what about the ones who don't read blogs and posts? I decided that my next step would be to do some awareness campaigning directly to the students at the end of their class. But before I got the opportunity to do that, a conversation with a highly respected fellow sihing stopped me in my tracks: I needed to rethink what I was doing - on two new levels.

2. I had asked my fellow sihing what she thought of the apparent lack of effectiveness of my awareness posts. She asked me, "What is it that you are asking of your fellow students by posting these awareness-raising blogs?" I had to answer, partially I was asking them to go out and raise money. Lets face it, even at the level we are being asked to raise money, we all hate doing it. We have to grovel, beg, and accost our friends. No matter how much we believe in our cause, no matter how much we personally will profit from the task, its something that grates at our sense of right and wrong. For me, I'd much rather do, than fundraise. Rescuing dogs, cuddling HIV/AIDS infected babies, mentoring youth in trouble, picking up garbage - I can do. Fundraising from my friends and family simply made me feel guilty of doing something to them that I don't appreciate them doing to me. Especially when budgets are limited. Much as I hated the idea of approaching community businesses and other strangers, I felt that this made more sense. Raising awareness amongst fellow students would have to wait until I could sincerely demonstrate a way to put my money where my mouth is.

3. And this challenged me on another level. I'm good at writing, so sending out the introductory letters was not a problem. Following up was a distasteful, stress inducing journey. There are people out there that are naturals at this kind of thing. Then there's people like me who have to learn this skill. And here's the key: why would I benefit from learning the skill of fundraising at the business, corporate, community, government grant level? The answer, "To impress my fellow students and more importantly, the Grande Frommage by raising gobs of money" would be purely hypocritical and I wish to resist that by making my challenge at this level not about the dollar figure end result. The sincere answer brings me back, full circle to my initial goal of raising awaremess of our foundation, our projects, and its relevance to us. I am truly proud of the projects and the Benevolent Foundation, and any contribution I make towards them. I totally believe in the various missions of each project we support, including the adopt a driveway program, empathy projects etc. As I approach the age of 50, and envision what I want my life to be like post kids I have begun to develop a desire to make a difference. One of my desires is that the last 5, 10, or 15 years of my working life could be dedicated to jobs that do make a diffence. Working for a non-profit, or charitable organization is something that alot of people my age are considering, and as a result some universities offer post graduate studies related to this career direction. Grant -seeking, Approaching Corporations for Sponsorship, Public Speaking, Proposal Writing, Prospect Research, Administration of Non-Profit Organizations, Volunteerism, Asking for Money Face to Face. All of these topics are addressed in educating people who would consider careers in non -profit and charitable organizations. So, yes, there is the potential that I could benefit from asking community businesses for sponsorship in the Silent River Kung Fu Pandemonium. I have decided to continue pushing myself to do this. I'm totally stressing out over it, and I'm not sure how successful I will end up being. But it might be in my interest not to give up.

A year's training in Review

I'm beginning now, to see the last year of my training with a little wisdom brought on by hindsight. Three things.

Just Right: I passed my fitness component of the test and I attribute it to the last several years of attending Sifu Laurie's Shaolin Fitness classes. The biggest impact the class had on my fitness test results was the kicks. Kicks account for 8 of the 21 test scores used: if you don't pass the kicks component, you will fail the entire test. Sifu Laurie has worked us hard on our kicks over the years; from technique, strength building, balance, core, stamina, strategy, practice, mini goals, homework, challenges - everything that is required to develop our kicks to acceptable standard for the test. The process at sihing level, takes no less that a year of regular attendance at the class; one cannot improve on these things in any less time than that. I attended the classes for several years, and every class was worth the time, because every step of my improvement in kung fu classes could be partly attributed by the work I did in the weekly Shaolin class. Sifu Laurie also worked with us on the other test components: many classes were devoted to the shuttle run and agility run, flexibilty, chin ups and flexed arm hang, horse stance and lateral agility drill. Furthermore, some classes were devoted to health issues such as injury care and prevention, hydration, proper breathing and relaxation. I am convinced that a passing grade on the fitness test is 81% attributable to attendance at Shaolin fitness for at least one year, if not more - 10% is attributable to home training, and 9% to the spring boot camp.

Too much: Starting in March, I began to experience aches and pains, which of course were my body's signal to me that I may be injuring myself. The osteoarthritis in my ankles and left knee began to flare up. I thought I had done the right thing by seeing the doctor, being referred to a physiotherapist, reviewing my body weight, adjusting my training methods, and changing my diet to incorporate foods and supplements that were appropriate for my condition. As it turns out, I was doing everything right except one thing. I believe I overtrained, and my body never had the chance to heal. The reason I have come to this conclusion is because of my hindsight observations. In the two weeks leading up to the test, the pain in my ankles and left knee was almost crippling, my hips were getting stiff, my left shoulder had limited movement. Even so, I continued to train, telling myself that there were only a few weeks left, and I must stick to my training plan. I made it through the test, in pain, and with the help of advil, and some entreaties to the examiners to please be aware of the my list of injuries. Since then, I have eased up on my training. With a lot of guilt at first, I noted that I went three days without ANY fitness conditioning. I adjusted my training to address some details brought up in the test, and the intensity changed from a focus on the entire test to one of strategic and specific targets. Then, yesterday, I noticed that my ankles were healing, my left knee could bend a little more, my shoulder felt less bound up. There was less pain. And my kicks and jumps had more vitality. So now I am in a position to review the entire year of training if I want to because I kept a record of my training as well as when my issues with pain began and what I did to adjust. Obviously I didn't have it quite right, so if I have to go through the process again (and I hope I don't), then I can refer to my detailed notes and come up with a much more intelligent training regime. Less is more.

Too little: One of the examiners in the test noted that I knew my techniques, but I had not acheived the level of proficiency at some of them where my execution of the technique was sufficiently convincing and ruthless. My interpretation of this is that, though I know the bell block defense to a knife attack for example, (bell block to the nerve bundle above the wrist, followed by a wrist trap, jerk the opponent towards self, reverse punch to head, cross step towards opponent, arm bar to elbow, duck under and apply wristlock), I had not practiced it enough that the complete technique was one swift and effective application done with accuracy and intensity. Over the last couple of weeks, I have worked on fixing that. The breakthrough came last night at sihing class and today at open training with sihing kichko. On both occassions we practice one technique only, over and over again for a minimum of a half hour. It is essential to practice with a good partner, who will keep up the pace of repetition with minimum talk which is 100% focused on technique critique, then systematic correction/repetition. Additionally, that partner must be someone who will push you beyond your limits. As Sihing Kichko said today, we often practice a technique for 10 minutes, note some minor things that still need work, then move on, fully intending to iron out the minor things later - but we never do. And she noted, that because we practiced for longer than we thought we needed, we began to notice other things to perfect, nuances and details; and at the same time the technique began to be executed without the thinking about it. It is essential to get to this point. In my year of training, I don't think I did enough of this with respect to my knife and choke defense and the one steps and close combats.

So we get older and wiser.

Its thanksgiving weekend, and one wonders what to write about that is relevant to our activities at Silent River Kung Fu. Hm. Turkey is a bird; Cranes are birds too; we fold Peace Cranes; thats to do with our desire for World Peace; which is related to our many other projects; that includes the Benevolent Foundation; oh yes - the Silent River Kung Fu Pandamonium!

Another of our projects that directly impacts our hopes for world peace is the Malawi Girls on the the Move project where we sponsor the education of several girls who otherwise would surely live without hope of rising out of the cycle of poverty. What has the education of a few young girls in Malawi got to do with our hopes for the future of our children? What are the challenges that we face for our future anyway?

The experts the world over are telling us that our challenges are climate change, depletion of resources such as petroleum based energy, forests, arable land for food, the waste produced by unprecedented levels of consumption in our society and sustaining of viable ecosystems. For at least the last 50 years, the great thinkers of our times, from people like Martin Luther King, Francis Moore Lappe and John Kenneth Galbraith in the 1960's, to John Ralston Saul, Jared Diamond, David Suzuki and the Dalai Lama today, have all echoed the same message. Averting the collapse of our world will take unprecedented levels of international co-operation. That cooperation entails active protests against war, the virtual elimination of industrial and post-consumer waste, changes in industrial and economic practices to manage climate change, environmental thinking to protect the world's ecosystems and species, adoption of lifestyles that embrace simplicity, and a shift in our geopolitical outlook. These challenges are the kinds of things that make the average person want to stick their head in the sand. What can the average person do? With the corrupt politicians and political systems of our time, and the growing resentment of the countries who are the have-nots of this world, the challenges seem far too overwhelming. We have no faith in the second part of the message that the great thinkers unanomously convey to us. The change can only come from the ordinary people, the grass roots. As Ghandi said, we must be the change.

The Malawi girls on the move sponsors the education of young girls in an underdeveloped country. One of the great leaders of our time will be a lady named Wangari Maathai, from Kenya or Sudan, (I can't remember which one). Not only is she an inspirational leader, but she also echoes the message of international cooperation and environmental thinking. Perhaps one or more of our Malawi girls will rise above their poverty with the help and empathy of people like us. Perhaps these girls will be tommorrows leaders who one day will lead as Wangari Maathai is doing now. Perhaps, by actively helping, and understanding the challenges of the Malawi girls and others around the world, our young students will grow into the kind of leaders and citizens that will lead and cooperate and empathize with similar minded people on the other side of the world as they deal with the challenges of averting war, waste, pollution and collapse. Therein lies our hope for peace, preservation of the planet, the future.

Suggested reading: Read how Wangarri Maathai was able to recieve her education and become the influential leader she is today. Incidentally, Wangarri Maathai received her university education due to President Kennedy's African Airlift program, and another of the students who benefitted from this program was Barak Obama snr. Both Barak Obama jr. and Wangaari Maathai have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. www.greenbeltmovement.org/a.php?id=432

Over the last year, I have experienced a growing conviction that our Kung Fu journeys are more about the growth of a community, than about our own personal growth. We want the world to be a better place for our children - at Silent River Kung Fu, we learn how this can happen, first by pursuing our personal growth, then by watching, participating, learning, helping, contributing. As we evolve, so does the school; the ripple effect of our efforts reach out to a community, and continues on in ever widening circles.

So the evolution of the community relies on its individuals improving upon themselves. And we as individuals rely on the evolving community to continue in our own personal growth. This is our ecosystem. This is how the world can change so that the human race can survive. As Frances Moore Lappe, food activist and author of Diet for A Small Planet stated in her book, "The great environmental awakening is that the awareness of relationship is permeating our consciousness, and ever so subtely eroding the notion that we can stake out our own safety and happiness apart from the well being of the communities in which we live."

I am proud, that as a group of sihings, this years black belt candidates have exemplified this concept by the support we have given eachother and all other students in their quests for personal improvement. What each of us learned today was that we needed eachother, and that the only way we could help eachother, and thus help ourselves was to accept that we each were evolving and striving to become better. Knowing that, the weaknesses, flaws, bad moments, we observe in eachother are not seen as barriers to our inter-relationships and growth as a community, but as stepping stones in that individual's journey. Whether we pass or fail this test, this is the gift that we will take with us.

The Chi Kung classes are over. We have learned all 5 of the animal forms, and can now practice them on our own. Sifu Oslvik reccommendes minimum once daily, optimum twice daily. Watching Sifu Olsviks perfect stances, grace of movement and strength of centre has inspired me to make Chi Kung part of my daily routine over the next year. In actual fact, I have started planning for my post black belt test life, whether it be as a sihing or a sifu. The students at Silent River have inspired much of that planning. Oddly, it is the students still in their 20's or very early 30's who make up the bulk of my inspirers. The one's in China, stunt school, or back in Stony setting up business based on their passions and pursuits have had a deep impact on myself, and how I nurture my own two daughters' dreams, characters and passions.

But first things first, I guess; and there's still two weeks of intense training left in my pre-test life. I was thinking about that as I was training at servus place this morning. Sometimes I get really annoyed with sifu Brinker. How is it that he convinced me that I needed a black belt? If I had known that it would involved turning my priorities inside out and such a crazy schedule these last months, I never would have considered the challenge. How is it that I won't give up? Why is it that I am prepared to spend this entire day, for example, doing kung fu? This has to be insane. I have bruises all over my body, a mildly sprained left ankle and swollen knee and ankle joints from aggravating the osteoarthritis. I am using my cane to attack my best friend in our coreographed applications, when I'd rather use it to hobble over to my car and go home. My car is a mess, the laundry needs doing, I have missed Janet's volleyball games, Bert is doing all the housework. Yet here I am, doing pushups, chinups, situps, kicks and stairs on a sunday morning when I'd rather be napping. But then, as I walked over to the chinup bar and the stairs in the north corner of the servus place running track, Jill comes up behind me and asks "Mom are you done?" She has just finished a pretty good 40 minute workout herself, designed for her badminton game. She is red faced, and sweaty and figures she's done her workout; I am still huffing from the kicks. I tell her that I have stairs and chinups yet. "I guess I could do arm work: I haven't done that today.", she replies. We compare our arm muscles, and note that mine are harder and more bulgy, and then we move on with our workouts. I think to myself, "That is exactly what I want to be as a mum. Someone who can still inspire and raise the bar by example, even when my girls approach the peak of their physical abilities. What better way for a parent to show their children what it takes to realize their potential and achieve their dreams?

Thanx once again sifu Brinker.

Last week I was worried about overtraining. This week was the opposite problem. Though Bert has really stepped up his support by taking over almost all the ferrying, meals, housework and homework supervision, I found that Birthday celebrations, problems with Janet's course schedules, volleyball tryouts, work, a house showing and the need for two taxi drivers for one evening of our daughters' separate extra curricular activities got in the way. By Wednesday I realized that I needed to take aggressive measures to fit in the appropriate minimal amount of training. So I cut my work day short so that I could get in the first decent physical conditioning workout of the week. It turns out that, aside from the shaolin fitness class on Saturday, that was the only day I got in an intense physical workout. So I'm glad I did it.

The forms seminar was also an intense workout, but specifically on kempo, which is the form I chose to focus on. Shaolin class was a brutally intense class focusing on the timed kicks, and very worthwhile. Ji Kung class is helping with centre, breathing, awareness of skeletal alignment, and mobility. Some of these things will help with the black belt test, but the real benefit will come over a much longer time, when skeletal alignment can be perfected, centre truly utilized, and mobility and flow more fully developed. This is what is exciting about the Chi Kung class - I can see it taking the Kung Fu to much greater levels. After black belt testing, I hope to make Chi Kung central to my further training and improvement.

The most important thing happening this week is Sihing Kichko's charity run for suicide prevention and awareness. She is passionate about this cause, and I know that there are many more of us at Silent River that realize how close to home suicide hits. I can guarantee it, that in any one of our kung fu classes, there are at least 2 people who have struggled with suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives, and a further 4 or 5 people who have personally been affected by it. Yesterday, as I drove my daughter home from a badminton session, she told me about a boy that she had been training with over the past 3 years. This boy was the same age as Jill. He was a typical fellow. At 15 he was a little annoying as he struggled with his feelings about girls and his own self esteem. He tended to put others down. He constantly put Jill down, and did outrageous things that attracted attention. But he asked her out too; constantly. I often chatted with this boy's mom and dad at tournaments and training sessions. We shared stories of raising two active kids; the driving, the growing pains, the role of sports and so on. We laughed over her son's attempts to present a macho image, but he was so typical, and we both expected him to mature into a fine young man. But he didn't. At 17, spurned by girlfriend, he killed himself earlier this summer.

With guys, you just never know. They tend not to give any warning that registers. It seems that they just do it before anyone realizes that they are in pain. There are warning signals, but those close to them have to be aware because the signals are so subtle. This is what suicide prevention and awareness week is all about.

I really missed the regular classes this week. With less than 30 days left before testing, I wanted to have Sifu Frietag look at my forms to see which one I should work on the most. I wanted to work on the bags and time my kicks. I had questions about theory, and I needed a partner, with a sifu watching, as a I practiced the curriculum one-steps, techniques, and close combat/takedowns. But the training hall is dismantled, and I was kept busy, painting, painting, painting; taping, taping, untaping, untaping; scrubbing, scrubbing, scouring.

It was nice getting to know some of the students in a different venue though. That Mr. Robinson is a very easy going guy; something I don't think I would have seen in the structured format of classes. I liked working with him. He got my jokes. I think we will understand eachother alot better in classes. That Sihing Langner too. Such a warm-hearted person. And not afraid to work hard. I just wish she hadn't set such a high standard when it came to scrubbing floors! Mrs. Prince and I worked very well together. We got alot accomplished on our shift together, and in-between tasks, I found myself giving her lots of advice about raising two daughters. I hope she didn't mind.

I managed to keep up a good pace of training this week also. But tonight I realized that the biggest challenge for me will be not to overtrain. I had increased my timed kicks (1 minute, each leg of side heel, front thrust, round house and spinning back kicks) to every day last week. Though I was gratified to see my numbers creeping up to the ratings I had set as a goal a few weeks ago, I noticed soreness in my knee joints. It is hard to resist the urge to train really hard every day when it seems that every minute of every day counts. I have to make a concerted effort to mix it up. Strength and flexibilty one day, kicks and cardio another day, and so on.

I've discovered stairs at as a way to push my cardiovascular conditioning without putting as much stress on my heel. I had totally forgotten this as a form of training, until Jill came back from Vancouver where she trained at an International Badminton camp. They had her doing stairs every day, and that reminded me of when I was on the high school track team, and we had to do stairs every day. It was brutal, but I don't think there are many more effective excersizes for power, footwork and legwork and endurance.

People about my age at Servus Place have started to chat with me. A fellow named Randy asked about my forms and it turns out that he is a black belt teacher of Wado Kai Karate, and that the Karate black belt fellow who is training at Silent River knows him. Randy wished me luck in my test. A lady in her mid-fifties named Rachel approached me to compliment me on my kicks. "You are so fit!" she exclaimed. Then she sprinted round the track 2 times, running so beautifully and powerfully and I remembered that I had seen her before at the Fowler track. I asked her about her training. She is competing in the World Masters in Australia next month. We wished eachother luck. Today another fellow who focused on walking laps around the track at a very fast pace asked about the Chi Kung stretches. Its a good feeling having this type of feedback. At first I had felt so uncomfortable doing kicks and forms at the gym while everyone else did laps, weights, pilates, yoga, and team-sport specific training. But now I see that people are simply intrigued by the martial arts.

'In gathering saskatoons, and washing berries; therein lies the Tao.'
Claire Finnamore - August 30, 2009

Last night I submitted the last of my requirements to be eligible to test for Black Belt. It was a summary of my Personal Black Belt Requirements which I had established in December, and was due Sept 1. I had chosen nine goals for myself, and below, I will include exerpts from last nights report.

2. 41,100 pushups, 27,400 situps, 27,400 kicks.

Pushups = 34,765
Situps = 20,731
Kicks = 17,528

Two things interfered with my success on this front.

The first was the Winter Blues. Motivation to keep up the training routine ebbed in December, January and February. This is reflected in my numbers: I fell behind on 5509 pushups in Dec/Jan, and 6990 situps and 7050 kicks in Dec/Jan/Feb. Winter happens every year, and though I worked hard to pull myself out of the blues, I now see how much this hurt my success, and perhaps this will help me for the future.

The second interference was injury, in my case, osteoarthritis. In April and May, I was forced to take it easy on my knees and ankles to allow healing. I fell behind by 3405 kicks at this time. I could not control the effect injury had on my numbers: I could have done a better job controlling the effect motivation had on my numbers earlier in the year. It would have been better to have had a greater sense of urgency during the winter months.

3. 1000 repetitions of forms

I completed 828 forms. Again, the Winter Blues interfered with this one. However, the things that helped were; participation in the forms marathon, participation in the demo team, and actively teaching the form of Lao Gar, and Stick to fellow I Ho Chuan members.


6. Acts of Kindness:

d) Research Acts of Kindness guidelines and give each girls a book to read to get them thinking more about this.

I put up the poster on the fridge, and then Sifu Simpson’s poem from Kwoon talk. I didn’t find appropriate books. Instead, the girls read the book ‘They poured fire on us from the sky’ which is about some Sudanese boys who were orphaned by war, and became refugees in their own counry. The book is written in their own words, and they now live in America and travel the continent giving speeches about their ordeal and getting support for those still in Sudan. I thought the book would expand the girls sense of empathy for those who experience hunger, war, etc. Jill has finished the book and she says it was very impactful. Now I have to go into her room and find the book so that Janet can read it.

e) Pursue opportunities, small and formal, that the girls can participate in that will allow them to reflect on and perform acts of kindness throughout the year.

I took Janet to the Malawi Girls presentation. When Sifu Laurie went back to Malawi this year, she helped put together the medical supplies we donated, and she expressed an interest in having the school girls write letters to her and she write back. I’m not sure what came of this, because I forgot to ask Sifu Laurie about the letter we sent with the first aid supplies. Janet remains interested in this project; she asked after the letter writing idea last week. And earlier this month, Janet agreed to the idea of selling her old hoodies and tshirts so the proceeds could go to the benevolent fund, and she got the clothes, washed them, and hung the hoodies on the hangers, and was pleased with the estimate of money raised (about $90).

9. Daily Meditation: learn dragon breathing and perform it daily.

Instead of dragon breathing, I am learning the Chi Kung forms which put a heavy emphasis on breathing, and there is the standing meditation of 3 minutes, to be done 3 times daily. So, though I started late on this requirement (August), I feel it is much better than the original goal because it is so much more comprehensive, and the teacher is so qualified and experienced.

Conclusion:

I am surprised at how much I actually got done. The last requirement was the most surprising, because up until July, I had made no progress. Then the opportunity to take Sifu Olsvik’s Chi Kung classes came up, and the results were so much better than what I had aimed for. When it boils down to a common theme, I’d have to say, that once you set goals, don’t pass up opportunities. Even when you don’t think those opportunities apply to the goals, there you are achieving them. It’s like the spirit goes on auto pilot once the goal is set – and you gravitate towards the opportunities that help you fulfill them. The Chi Kung classes, the Lion Dance, I Ho Chuan, Malawi Girls, blogging, reading journeys, health set backs, kwoon talk challenges, forms marathons, and your own family’s interests and development, all provided the opportunities that made reaching my goals, or nearly reaching them, possible.

Well, I hope this long entry is helpful to anyone hoping to achieve a black belt in the future. This morning I recieved notification that my application to test for Black Belt has been approved. So I went out and picked the abundant crop of saskatoons. What I think I will need over the next 4 weeks, is Peace of Mind.

Last week was a good week.

Chi Kung class: This class is addressing a few challenges in my black belt testing. First is the flexibility test. Sifu Olsvik has assigned us a number of daily stretching excercises which will open up our hips. I've been working diligently on these exercises. Its amazing how inflexible most of us are, even with our kung fu training. Mrs. Crawford and I compared notes - we were both stiff and sore in areas of our hips that the kung fu stretching does not address. I am a little more excited than her about all this, probably because I have started to feel a little more flexibility, and she has not noticed that yet. Second is strength and endurance for the horse stance test. Again, Sifu Olsvik assigned us 20 minutes of modified horse stance daily. I admitted in class, that I am struggling with this one as I am so used to multitasking, that 20 minutes of simply standing in horse stance (don't have a TV) becomes guilt-ridden and unbearable. Anyhow, he said it had to be done, and the results, at minimum will be an effortles five minute horse stance in the black belt test. I'm not sure whether any of the sihings at Friday's class noticed, but Sifu Olsvik stood in a beautiful horse stance for a very long time - it had to be at least 20 minutes - still as stone, sturdy and relaxed! So, I need to renew my effort on this exercise. The third is breathing and, through the routines and exercises, a better awareness of my centre. It's helping with my Lung I & II, and sound focus. Coincidentally, Sifu Laurie brought her netti pot to Shaolin class on Saturday, and gave us a demonstration. Daily use of this device is supposed to reduce swelling and clear trapped allergens and other germs from the sinus passages, thereby making the proper breathing technique much more efficient, or, as in my case, it makes it possible. So I went to Sangsters Health Centre and bought one, and used it. Sure is weird, but not all that bad.

Orange Belt Class on Wednesday: I'm sure Sifu Prince is usually an excellent teacher. But he really outdid himself at this class. We practiced Hsieh Chein, which is a very weak form for me, partly due to the backward shoulder roll (bad for my left shoulder), and partly because sound focus is something I do not do well at, if at all. Sure enough, Sifu Prince had us belting out our Hsieh Chein, and lots of sound focus. This class was a high quality class. I benefitted greatly from it, and I noticed that ALL of the students improved their forms in Hsieh Chein, Hung I, and Long I with Sifu Prince's guidance.

Our Journals: I do go out on a limb a bit, expressing my inner stuggles etc. I've always felt it would be helpful to others, to tell it how it really is for me, because if I am struggling, then more than likely, ten other people will have the same issues. But after last week's entry, I feel that I benefitted more than anyone else. The response from the students and sifus was overwhelming. Who would have thought that other people, students and sifus alike, had struggled with the same things, and really cared whether I got past these obstacles? Its a strange sensation, and I feel almost guilty and uncomfortable, because it now feels like the focus is on me. With this kind of support, I HAVE to give it my all, and if I don't succeed . . . And I worry that the other sihings are getting as much out of this support as myself. I hope that they benefitted from the board breaking practices as much as I did; and that they also needed to review and practice the close-combat and takedown basics covered in sihing class.

The Sihing Class Five sihings attended. It had to be at least 20 sifus also in attendance. And it wasn't a matter of them being there for something else; no discussions or other business was attened to, no meetings, no bag work or situps and pushups off to the side; they were all totally focused on the sihings, advising and guiding us through our class. That was really awesome.

This stage of the training towards black belt testing has become very personal. I suppose everyone has their own personal demons in life that they either try to overcome or ignore, manage or bury, accept or deflect. I guess its a measure of the black belt test, that one eventually has to address oneself at this level. I get the feeling that the rest of the sihings have also come to this very personal struggle in their training. We have all gotten rather quiet and subdued.

Sometimes I feel like giving up. After all, its not work, or family, or finances. And I've really enjoyed being a sihing, so why not continue as one? Why do I need to add this stress, which seems so unneccessary, to the stresses of my own personal life? Its such a relief when I imagine my life without the upcoming test, or the responsibility of being a sifu, and continuing into the next year enjoying the privileges of being in I Ho Chuan, Chi Gong, Lion Dance, the workshops, seminars, and so on.

Then I feel bad about Sifu Brinker. Over and over again for the past 10 years, I've heard him say that this is the most important thing you will ever do; it will transform you . . . blah blah blah. But he says it with such conviction that i need to stop for a moment and properly think about those statements. Why is it the most important thing for me? Why will it transform me? I find that the answer lies within my present struggles. It's all about self improvement, at a level that previous tests in my life have not addressed. Furthermore, this test and journey has a critical impact on the things that I deem more important in my life - family, job, health and well-being. Thus far, this journey has indeed transformed me. There's sifu brinker, on the other side of this giant gorge, beckoning and saying, 'No, THIS will transform you.'

Last week was complete self destruction. My kung fu training was all but obliterated. I lost my faith in hope. I chastized my self for believing. I pretty much resigned myself to failure.

Still, I am aware of a tiny seed of optimism flickering occassionally in the dark. I think it starts with something Sifu Brinker has been repeating lately - "Look at where you've started and how far you've come".

So I opened up my journals, and did some math.

Pushups: I've done 33,335 since December 1. My goal is to do 41,000 by Sept 1. I need to do 334 a day over the next 23 days to achieve the goal. It's possible.

Situps: I've done 19,200 since December 1. My goal is to do 27,400 by Sept 1. I need to do 356 daily over the next 23 days. I guess its possible.

Kicks: I've done 15,200 since December 1. My goal is to do 27,400 by Sept 1. I need to do 535 daily over the next 23 days. Its impractical.

Forms: I've done 754 since December 1. My goal is to do 1000 by Sept 1. I need to do 11 per day over the next 23 days. I can do this.

And I've completed my 26,000 pushups.

Kung Fu IS

A few weeks ago, a situation developed which caused me to fear. I guess I had grown complacent over the years, thinking that I was in control of my future and my family's. The situation proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not. The future as I had imagined it, may entirely not happen, and I was consumed with a fear for my future, the future of my daughters, the mental health and financial security of my family. Over the weeks since I came face to face with this situation, my fear has gone from all consuming, slowly ebbing away for a time, and then stealthily creeping back into my thoughts, bringing with it feelings like guilt at my complacent attitude, regrets, bitterness, flashing rage.

Thank goodness for kung fu. The classes themselves, and the training focus are welcome respites. In tossing a fan, helping with classes, dreaming of great demos, pushing my physical limits, my fears melt away and I find therapeutic spaces of pure relaxation and peace.

Thank goodness also for kung fu, for providing the framework through which enduring, honest and supporting friendships can thrive. I have leaned heavily on Sihing Lilienskold these past weeks.

And thank goodness for kung fu, for bringing into clear focus, the essential need of every person to surround themselves with people that mentor, support, and expect more of eachother. Jill's coach and life mentor at the badminton club, Mrs. Folinsbee, is one person I sought out today because I was struggling with the fears. Mrs. F has accepted Jesus as her Savior, and she wears her faith on her sleeve. At 60 odd years old, she's had her fair share of trials and tribulations. "Sometimes," she said, "Its like I'm running up a corkscrew around a mountain. On each turn, it feels I'm no closer to the top. And at each turn I say, 'Here we go again'. But you know, each turn makes you stronger. If you can relinquish that fear, because God is in control of the plan, and He gave you the strengths that you have and you must focus on those. And things will work out in the end. Maybe not how you imagined. But they will work out because thats how they were meant to work out". I hung on her every word. And as she turned to help out a gentleman whose shoes had come apart, I took my leave of her, went to a nearby park and picked up a book about Lance Armstrong that a fellow kung fu student, Mr. B. Young, had reccommended. I had read something about relinquishing that fear in this book the previous evening and I wanted to find it and reread it. Lance Armstrong is a cyclist, and his book is about his struggles with cancer early on in his cycling career. I'll just quote without comment. The book is called ' It's Not About the Bike; My Journey Back to Life', by Lance Armstrong, published in 2000.

"What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not t be afraid. . . . I asked myslef what I believed. I had never prayed a lot. I hoped hard, I wished hard, but I didn't pray. I had developed a certain distrust of organized religion growing up, but I felt I had the capacity to be a spiritual person, and to hold some fervent beliefs. Quite simply, I believed I had a responsibility to be a good person, and that meant fair, honest, hardworking, and honorable. If I did that, if I was good to my family, true to my friends, if I gave back to my community or to some cause, if I wasn't a liar, a cheat, or a theif, then I believed that should be enough. At the end of the day, if there was indeed some Body or presence standing there to judge me, I hoped I would be judged on whether I had lived a true life, not on whether I believed in a certain book, or whether I'd been baptized. If there was indeed a God at the end of my days, I hoped he didn't say, "But you were never a Christian, so you're going the other way from heaven." If so, I was going to reply, "You know what? You're right. Fine." . . . Beyond that, I had no idea where to draw the line between spiritual belief and science. But I knew this much: I believed in belief, for its own shining sake. . . Without belief, we would be left with nothing but an overwhelming doom, every single day. And it will beat you. I didn't fully see, until the cancer, how we fight every day against the creeping negatives of the world, how we struggle daily against the slow lapping of cynicism. Dispiritedness and disappointment, these were the real perils of life, not some sudden illness or cataclysmic millennium doomsday. I knew now why people fear cancer: because it is a slow and inevitable death, it is the very definition of cynicism and loss of spirit. So, I believed."

Today the weather is rainy, windy and dreary. I could easily give in to the temptation to sit and stare. Instead, I turned the radio dial to CKUA, which was playing one of my favorite programs; John Worthington's 'Old Disc, Jockey'. 'Stormy Weather' happened to be playing at the time. I located some fairly colorful scrap paper, and made a plan. Fold one peace crane, do 50 pushups. So, to the tunes of Count Basie and His Orchestra, Benny Goodman and Duke Ellington, I managed to fold seven cranes, fire off 300 push ups, and dance a Lao Gar to 'How High the Moon'. Now the program playing is 'Voices in Jazz', which I don't much like, so I have decided to turn my attention to my journal, training goals, and the laundry.

Last week's training went fairly well. I had hoped to do 260 pushups daily, for a total of 1,820. I improved on last weeks totals, but still fell short at 1,545 pushups. It seems that my body wants a rest from the daily pushups, which it decided to take on Saturday. Keeping this in mind, I have decided to aim for 300 push ups daily this week, and as mentioned above, I have started the week off well. I am not terribly pleased with the number of kicks this week. A sprained or broken middle toe, and some temporary issues with my left hip really dragged my numbers down. However the toe seems to be mending, and a visit to physiotherapy on Monday is scheduled, so next week should be better. In spite of the set backs, Sihing Lilienskold and I managed to get some excellent help from Sifu Brinker after he observed our spinning back, round house and side heel kicks at the bags. So there was still progress in this area. Forms practice went quite well too. I was not able to do Lao Gar until the end of the week, due to that middle toe problem. However, I did LOTS of cane (point, strikes and blocks; left and right on all). I am looking forward to next week, as arrangements are coming together amongst I Ho Chuan members to form a team form demo in either Kempo, or Lao Gar. I find that being involved in the demo team and I ho chuan has really motivated me to practice forms at home and in open training, as well as other spare moments during the week. Attending the color belt classes this week has also helped me to focus on and practice combinations and techniques.

I am finding that these last couple of weeks have turned into a steep uphill climb for me. My goals are high; being aware of this, there are feelings of doubt: will I achieve my goals? Will it be enough? I feel resigned to the fact that i can only ask myself to not give up; to place one step in front of the other, and see where I end up. There is one annoying question in the Zen and Art of Motorcycle novel study sheet: "How is Kung Fu like climbing a mountain?" Annoying, because it seems like such a cliche question, that begs a cart load of cliche answers. But as i look back at the beginning of this paragraph, my answer feels not so much cliche, but very real. Well past the tree-line now, the incline is steeper, the ground seems harder. It is hard to judge the distance to the summit; one is left with the feeling that it is probably further than one thinks. The struggle now becomes one of keeping the desire to succeed intact; and to keep placing one foot in front of the other.

Flying vs. Falling

This week was a tough week. Full of upheaval that knocked the wind out of my sails. Looking at my figures though, I didn't end up too far off track. I did 1420 pushups, vs. my new goal of 1820 per week. This was my first week of this revised goal of 260 pushups per day, and I managed to accomplish that for 5 out of the seven days. Next week I will meet the target.

I'm pleased with a few other things about this last week.

The Wednesday night white belt class was an excellent review of combinations, and I plan to follow this up with home practice this week. Theory was also reviewed, and I feel confident in this area now. Additionally, at open training on Saturday, Mr. Crawford had a number of technique questions, and I was pleased to be able to give him some quality answers with confidence.

On Tuesday night, Sifu Playter held the first Lion Dance/Demo practice. Mr. Tymchuck and I had his full attention, as no one else showed up. I worked on my Lao Gar, and recieved some in-depth feedback. This was followed up by a mini-demo practice after Lion Dance practice on Friday. Again, Sifu Playter reviewed my Lao Gar, noted the improvements, and gave me some further advice. So, some excellent coaching time on forms was had this week. It turns out that sihing wonsiak hopes to do some lao gar demos as well this summer, and her lao gar looks very nice. This gives me an opportunity to offer up an alternate routine to practice for demos and recieve the same quality coaching for these also.

Its a Hard Day's Night

With seven weeks left before the deadline for some of my personal requirements, its time to look at my numbers and build a plan into my home training that will allow me to reach my goals. I guess it a final push for the following items.

Pushups: The curriculum requirement is 26000 March 1 to September 1; I'm at 20,503, which is ahead of schedule, so no worries. However, my personal black belt requirement is to do 41,000 from December 1, 2008 to September 1, 2009. I'm at 27,530. I figured out that I would have to do 260 pushups per day instead of 150. After doing the 1000 push up challenge several times, and finding that 300 or more pushups a day is not all that much of a hardship, I'm thinking that 7 weeks of 260 pushups per day is attainable. So I'm going to go for it starting tommorrow.

Situps: My personal black belt requirement is to do 27,400 situps by September 1. I'm at 15,111. This means that I need to do 126 situps per day, to reach my goal. This is not a problem as recently I read somewhere that a lady (either a famous fitness trainer, or olympic cyclist, or something like that) does between 200 and 300 situps per day, so I decided to give that a try, and found it quite easy. So I think I will exceed this goal.

Kicks: This started out as round house kicks only, then I experienced some joint pain and found out I had the osteoarthritis and that I was actually injuring myself when I had pain so I had to lay off the kicks for a while. As I got back into the kicks, I limited myself to the ones that don't hurt, like cross-step kicks, hidden leg, thrust from horse, crescent, etc. Round house was a problem, and even more so the flying kicks. So I decided to change this goal to Kicks in general. I never ran this by Sifu Brinker, so I hope this is ok. I need to do 27400 kicks by September 1. In order to do that, I need to do 288 kicks per day. Thanx to the Kichko Kick Challenge, which causes me to do 300 kicks per day, this is also an attainable goal. I need to be cautious though, with the wear and tear on my joints, but more about that later.

Forms: This also started out as Lao Gar only. And I've done alot of Lao Gar. But I also changed this one up, after realizing that I needed time and energy for other forms, like cane, kempo, etc. And I was getting darn sick of Lao Gar for a while there. So, again, I never ran this one by Sifu Brinker, but I'm sure its fine with him???? So I need to do 1000 form repetitions by September 1. I've done 476 of mostly Lao Gar, followed by Cane, and then a bit of 18 temple one week due to follow up on a sihing class. In order to reach my goal, I need to do 13 forms per day. This will be a challenge, but I'm going to go for it.

Overall, this month, and particularly the week since boot camp has been defining for me. The pressure that the increasing levels of training, commitments and focus is putting on my day to day activities have caused me to really question whether I want to continue preparing for a black belt test over the next 2 to 3 months. Truth be told, I am not at all sure whether I have come to a decision on this. I feel as if there might be a straw that will break the camel's back; it could be anything over the next few weeks - not being able to get over the joint pain after each training day, the house might sell, the economy and accompanying job insecurity, fatigue from the long days and organizing the lives of 3 other family members, or a bolt of lightning might come and strike me down. For the moment, I have decided to continue on, and tackle what issues I can. I found a book in Chapters, very recently published, that points to some diet changes I could make (my sweet tooth and the resulting sugar, carbohydrates intake might actually be triggering a heightened inflamation response to joint pain, and certain fatty acids and fish, and yellow fruits and vegetables are found to actually help stop, or reverse the degeneration of the joints). I've purchased the book, to read this week. Additionally, Bert has decided to take his holidays this month for the entire month. I've loaded the driving the kids responsibilities squarely onto his shoulders. This is such a relief and will shorten my day, so less fatigue. But the possibility of that bolt of lightning still enters my mind from time to time.

When I'm 64

On Friday night Sihing Kichko got us sihings to share with eachother, our inner struggles in relation to the approaching black belt test. For myself, it was not surprising to find out that we each experienced variations of fear, terror, self-doubt, lack of confidence, and guilt. The act of sharing these emotions provided a source of strength for me in that our group took another giant step towards gaining support and strength from eachother.

Afterwards, at the boot camp, a topic that I was hesitant to broach on Friday, was discussed by a number of the sihings. It was a topic that I've been keeping close to my chest for a long time, perhaps because it is at the very core of my struggles with my feelings of guilt. I was relieved to find out on Saturday that it was a valid, and common struggle for at least a few others.

It is true when Sifu Brinker says that this is a journey of enormous personal growth. Looking back at my journey thus far, and looking forward to my developing goals, aspirations, values and committments, and strengths, I can only sum it all up by saying that an entire universe has unfolded. I am truly pumped about where I want to go from here. On the other hand, this journey has also exacerbated a drifting apart between myself and my husband. I constantly hope and pray, that this is only a tempory state, initiated by our intense focus on our children, and the lack of energy and time we have left over at the end of each day for eachother.

What I have known for a long time is that there are many of us experiencing the same struggle. In the last couple of years, with the children becoming less dependent on their mothers, the females I have talked to describe a re-booting of our own personal aspirations. Things that were put on hold, such as kung fu, travel, fun, change, personal growth, contributing to community, can now be re-visited. And as we enter into these things, it is accompanied by a surge in excitement, and energy.

Our husbands, on the other hand, are responding to this return to normalcy, by coming home at work at the end of the day exhausted and deflated. All they want to do is sit; that's what they didn't have time for in the past, and now that's what they want to do. So, rather than a coming back together, there is a further drift apart. And our attempts to re-engage our spouses by suggesting together activities, exercise, experiences, fun and change, are met with stubborn refusal or disinterest. So when we go off to our classes, boot camps, seminars and training, there is that sense of guilt that the time and energy put into our personal growth is misplaced: wouldn't it be more appropriate to put that energy into the growth of relationships?

As I look around myself at the people who share the above struggles, I see more failed relationships than I care to think about. And I wonder if its less that I dare to be different, or that I feel too weak to continue on the path that is separating us. I was greatly heartened by a journal post by Sifu Linda Shipalesky a number of month's back, in which she mentioned a coming together in her relationship. How can my husband and I achieve the same thing? Perhaps a UBBT requirement should be involved. I believe that the coming back together is the more fulfilling path, not because of an arbitrary rule or vow, but because looking back, I have seen what, in this particular scenario, we as partners have achieved together, and looking forward, I have witnessed the enormous personal toll on the invidual and and rest of the family that the coming apart has taken.

So there is the crux of my guilt struggle. As Sihing Lilienskold and I tried out the various BJJ techniques at the boot camp, we both ruminated on the wonderful moments of fun, laughs, new interests we were sharing, and regretted that these moments were not being added to a bank of experiences in our spousal relationships. Instead, a bank of unshared experiences is accumulating, and before long, the scales will tip irreversibly.

Sifu Laurie's book launch on Saturday night attracted more people than could fit into the studio. It was standing room only for many attendees, including the latecomers, such as myself, who had to stand outside the studio for the presentation. I dragged my daughters to the event, as I recognized a wonderful opportunity for them to gain a clearer picture of the world of the writer and writing. I feel that the reason that we do not pursue our passions in our careers is because of a lack of knowledge of what is involved, a lack of exposure to others who have gone ahead, and a lack of reference to how one's personal strengths and aspirations measure up to what is out there. I wasn't expecting my daughters to come away from the event deciding to be writers, but I was hoping they would come away saying, 'Yes, it is entirely possible that I could do this too.' Mission was accomplished somewhat; Jill came away pumped and inspired. Janet came away with a wonderful anecdote, involving a sifu's struggle with a giant chocolate covered strawberry, that was stuck to it's doilie, and was difficult to consume in a delicate manner.

The wonderful thing about Silent River Kung Fu is the diversity of its members, and thus, the diversity of opportunities that can offered to eachother to enhance our personal growth and that of our families. Frances Moore Lamme, author of Diet for A Small Planet, and renowned world food activist made the following observation. As adults, who desire to grow as persons, to give back to the community, or bring about change in something that they are passionate about, we have no place to go to learn how to effectively succeed in these types of aspirations. There is no university course that teaches one how to mobilize a community to bring about change for the betterment of society, the environment, the world. Lamme does, however, point to something very crucial; and that is the community groups of like-minded individuals. These groups provide a 'safe environment' of mutual support and trust in eachother's journeys, passions and endeavors. I believe that Silent River Kung Fu is one such group.

Sometimes I think it is important to focus our attention on the people who exist 'at the fringes' of Silent River Kung Fu. Sifu Laurie has been away for extended periods of time, and in her classes, interfaces with a smaller group of students. Yet she has brought so much growth to my daughters through her activities in Malawi and writing, and solid support to myself through her knowledge and strategies for physical fitness challenges. Sifu McKinnley also, is one to pay alot of attention to as she travels accross the country, yet sends us so many thought provoking insights, and spiritual challenges. Sihing Bachand may not realize it just yet, but she too will have plenty to inspire us with her present journey. The difficulty for me at this point in the paragraph is finding a way to end it, because the more I think, the more I see examples like the three I just mentioned. Everyone one of us has so much to offer eachother, we just need to pay attention.

On a somewhat related note, I am reading a book which is a collection of essays. Here are some words that I thought were worth writing down.

'Life is a journey that you walk with other people'. Wangari Maathai

'Get in touch with your passion. Passion is always a driving force in any success.' Russell Simmons.

'Any religious belief or teaching that is not based on humility and compassion should be looked at very skeptically and warily.' Moby

I have not been entirely satisfied with some aspects of my progress towards Black Belt testing lately. This has caused me a bit of worry, but mostly frustration with myself for not getting myself to the place I want to be. This last week has given me reason to feel a little more optimistic.

1. Physical conditioning: After reviewing the Fighter's Body late in May, I decided to use June to get my home training to a good starting point for a 3-month program suggested in the book. It wasn't until last week, that I felt that I was making progress.

I managed to do Power, Strength, and Agility training each day. This consisted of daily, 150 pushups, 125-300 situps and crunches, 20 combination kicks or front thrust-sideheel-back kick, 100 crescent kicks, 50 cross step kicks, 50 front thrust kicks from horse stance, and 50 hidden leg techniques. The kicks met sihing kicko's 99 day challenge of 15 minutes of kicking each day. Additionally, for agility, I managed to practice some jumping for lion dance agility, and some stretching. I believe that this is a good program because it works on core, arms and legs.

I also finally worked in a cardio training alternative to running, which follows a 7 week program of cycle fitness training. I did a 45 minute spin class at Servus Place which counts as a 'quick spin' component for sprint or speed training, and a 'long push' component for endurance and power on hills. I also did a 45 minute session of outside riding following the guidelines for the 'stamina booster' session. On Sunday, I will be going for a one hour 'long leisurely ride' which is supposed to keep my heart rate at a certain level for a certain period of time. So that's 3 days of cycling as reccomended for week one of the program which, after 7 weeks will get me to the next level towards my goal of entering into a charity ride this fall. I am happy with this program because it sets mini goals which keep me motivated to increase the cardio consistently over the long term and it helps me peak at just about the right time.

2. Forms: My daily forms practice (18 Temple Motions to follow up on sihing class, and Cane for I Ho Chuan class), increased, though I need to pick this up a little more by increasing the number of daily repetitions. And I somehow managed to entirely ignore Lao Gar which is not good for my Personal Black Belt requirement of 1000 repetitions of this form.

3. Techniques: Despite some very creative ideas on my part, I just have not been able to attack this portion of my home training with much success. Sifu Brinker must have read my mind this week, because he addressed this issue in sihing class on Friday, and I'm convinced that he looked pointedly at me when he was hammering a few points home to the group of us. The main point was that in order to know the curriculum we have to teach it. Now that summer is here, and the girls' weekly evening committments have changed, I will have some opportunities to get to the training hall for the classes on Monday, and/or Wednesday. This week I'll be there on Monday.

4. Meanness: As a group of sihings, we've been told we are not mean enough, and I know this is probably true of me. I was going to ask for some suggestions on how to work on this in class on Friday, but once again, Sifu Brinker must have read my mind and I didn't have to ask; the class was dedicated to it as we partnered up and punched and elbowed eachother in the ribs. It was a good session of practicing being mean, and it gave me some direction on how to practice this aspect at home.

5. Leadership: I had been stalled on the leadership seminar assignment of researching my project in preparation for a presentation. Last week I managed to find a chunk of uninterrupted time to plunk myself in front a computer for over 2 hours, and research my topic. I just hope I haven't lost my notes, which I have totally lost track of. With that thought, I will end my journal post here, and go look for them.

Sometimes journalling becomes a responsibility. I'm not referring to this kind of journalling, which has its own set of values in one's life. I am referring to the type of journalling that is kept in a small (pocket-size), sturdy little notebook, is written in note form and is kept close at hand for quick retreival so that one can capture the thought, the lesson, the solution, the record, the plan or the inspiration before it is lost.

I have a little red book that I don't leave home without. It comes out throughout the day as I track my training ( number of completed pushups, kicks, situps, forms), find some useful information in the newspaper or in the book I am reading, hear a great tune on the radio, add items onto my 'to do' list, note an important item to pick up at the grocery store, and jot down notes after a sihing or I Ho Chuan class. These type of notes help me stay on track, assess my progress, and accomplish day to day, week to week and longer term goals and tasks efficiently. Combined with my little daytimer, in which I keep track of appointments, tournaments, classes, no-school days and other social events, utilizing the little red book becomes a very useful life-skill.

Recently, I have noticed the need to use the red book in order to fulfill my responsibilties to the people that support me at Kung Fu. The lion dance team is made up of Sifu's Brinker, Playter, Playter, Frietag, LaRoque, and Wilson. And my co-team members are Mr. Tymchuck and Mr. Emery. These people support me and have entrusted me with representing Silent River at a number of Lion Dance functions this summer. They have also invested a considerable amount of their personal time to teach and attend extra practices. In order to hold up my end (or the head), I feel that I must learn everything they take the trouble to teach me, within a reasonable amount of time and perfect the moves to an acceptable standard in time for the performances. I don't want to forget anything they mention, but there is so much to learn, that I have to take actions that will enable me to remember and internalize the learning. My little red book has helped me with this responsibility. After each lesson or practice I have repeated the key points back to the sifus, and then bee-lined it to my red book to write everything down. Even the act of writing things down helps me internalize the lesson. Before the next practice or performance, I will go through the dance routine in my head and study the notes I made from the last lesson. Only by doing this, do I feel that my progress is at a pace that honors everyone on the lion dance team.

Yes, this week was an amazing week at Silent River Kung Fu, with so much going on, including Master McNiell's visit, training, lion dance practices, classes, training for black belt, cane forms to perfect, knitting preemie hats for sihing kichko, training, and the Leadership seminars (which I was unable to attend, but the notes from sihing kichko were excellent once again. Its really quite difficult deciding what is the one most important thing I learned this week; but I put a fair amount of thought to it today, and realized that the one most important thing I need to embrace is very simple, and was touched on by one very quiet, unassuming, dedicated sifu.

Sifu Playter mentioned last week, in the leadership seminar, the 100x theory. From sihing Kichko's notes, I gathered the following:

- The one hundred times theory should be used everyday - pick one thing each day to work on;
- Don't play the numbers game - make each one good, perfect so that you don't develop bad habits;
- Practice slow at first to develop good muscle memory and increase speed once technique is good.

I've heard all this before many times, from many of the sifus, but Sifu Playter doesn't speak up as often as other teachers, so when he does, I can't help but feel that every word he says is something to be considered very seriously. So I've been considering his comments quite alot for the last week. I know it works, because I used it alot to work on perfecting my round house kick, the inside outside spinning cyclone kick, the cross stepping kicks, Lao Gar(100 in two weeks), and Cane(100 per two weeks). Recently, I used it to correct some techniques - the downward foot block, and stepping into bow stance with intensity. I've also started to use it to increase leg strength, by doing hidden leg technique, thrust kick from horse stance, and combination kick. As I move forward, I plan to use the one hundred times theory extensively. This next month I already have some ideas from the critiques received from Sifu Brinker (crescent kicks, spinning kick), I Ho Chuan Class (Cane form), strength training needs (sit ups, chin ups, kicks) and in Lion Dance practice (jumping from horse stance for the stack, projection step).

How will I get from where I am now, to where I want to be when I test for black belt? By using the one times theory to correct, and perfect.

This week, instead of journalling and then reading everyone else's journal, I read everyone else's journal first. Everyone has their ups and downs. It's nice to see the ups which follow the downs in other people's journals. It keeps one motivated. This week is a down week for me. It's down because I feel way, way overextended and losing the follow-through on things I need to be focused on.

For kung fu, its the realization that IT IS TIME to put in place a serious training plan - one that has me peaking at the right time. I read some parts of 'The Fighter's Body', which Sifu Prince reccommended a while back. I saw what I needed to do, and I'm sure Sifu Prince followed that part about macro/meso/blahblah cycle-training. I'm excited and overwhelmed at the same time - because it is a struggle to find the time to properly think and plan out and organize my life over the next few months based on what's in the book. I have this feeling of standing still in my training, and I shouldn't be.

Personal life is challenging me too. It's as if all the transitions required in my life, are required right now. Jill needs my firm hand as she loses her way - priorities suddenly shift from school, getting a job, pursuing her badminton to being a social butterfly. Janet is in positive transition, which must not be missed by me - as she finds her strengths, her passions, like-minded friends,and looks for my support in pursuing her dreams. As a family, we are contemplating transition also, as our needs change and our current lifestyle (giant tract of land, far away from everywhere, with all sorts of animal units here,there and everywhere) runs counter-purpose to our future aspirations.

An enormous effort is required on all fronts.

Project Based Leadership

Its time for an update. The last time that I posted an update on this project, (of helping to promote lifelong physical activity by providing more opportunities for physical activity at Onoway High School), I summarized what I was able to accomplish for the badminton season. Since that time I have had the opportunity to participate in the first two Leadership Seminars organized by Sifu T. Playter.

The first seminar was presented by Master Brinker, on the topic of public speaking. The parts that I found most helpful for my project related to the concept of recognizing that you have to convey your passion and knowledge and inspire others to participate or buy in to what you are trying to do. Previously, I had not considered this as an important ingredient in succeeding. However, I now see that part of the reason for some of the obstacles that I experienced when organizing the badminton activities was that no-one really new what was motivating me to provide these opportunities. The teachers at the Onoway High school may have assumed that I was merely excited about the wonderful sport of badminton. Even if that was all that was motivating me, they had not been given the opportunity to be inspired or to buy in to what I was hoping to contribute to the community. So looking forward to the remainder of the year with the track season, and to the new school year, I see that I need to address this and have some sort of presentation and acquire some sort of audience so that I have a bit of backing when I offer up more little opportunities.

The second seminar, presented by Sifu T. Playter, was on the topic of research. It had already been stated that to succeed, we must really know our topic; what the issues and objections are and what the arguements are for and against whatever you are passionate about. Additionally, it is important to know what has been done previously, what support is out there and so on. I found the latter to be what surprised me. When I first embarked on the project of providing more opportunities for physical activity, I had no idea that others in other communities may also had the same concerns and reactions as myself. My project is unique in that I am drawing on my personal experience and resources in the badminton, volleyball, kung fu, and running to provide the opportunities. I have not started my research yet, but already I am newly aware that there are community leaders in B.C. (Silken Lauman focusing on playgrounds) and Ontario (a group providing running buddy/mentorship opportunities to youth) that are concerned with the same things that I am and are also endeavoring to do something about it in their own communities. Dialogue with these groups will surely be helpful.

The Leadership seminars are proving to be a huge boost and guide to the momentum of my own Project Based Leadership. I feel more confident about what I have accomplished so far, and not so bad about the obstacles I have encountered because I have a better idea of why and how I can adjust as I move forward. I feel that the Leadership Project is a wonderful growing experience for me as I learn of rewarding and meaningful ways to act on my beliefs, thoughts, concerns and passions.

Looking forward into the immediate future - I will be helping the track coach. I had approached him a few months ago and found that while he sincerely agreed with the fact that the students lack physical conditioning and the girls are in particularly bad shape, he also seemed to view the situation as hopeless. He has, in the past tried things himself, and it seems that he has lost his passion due to the long term poor response to his endeavors. I've decided that the best thing to do is simply to get involved ( help with the practices, if there are any, and with the track meets, both of them) and see what opportunities present themselves. In the meantime, there are the assignments for the leadership seminars (research my topic, and prepare a presentation) and all the helpful ideas provided by the seminar leaders.

NEW: Suggested Reading List

I was going to report on my progress in my personal black belt requirements this week. But two things prompted me to delay until next week. The first is that I attended the first of the Leadership seminars organized by Sifu Playters. The point of these seminars is to help us carry out our project based leadership goals. Next week we are to submit our topic and a quick blurb explaining why we have chosen it. There will be discussion and help provided in a structured step-by-step format over the course of the seminars. At the end of the five weeks, we are to present our project to the class. I've decided to delay my blog about my progress on the project based leadership for week while I reflect on my submission to the leadership seminar. The other reason for the delay is that I have been encouraged to start some sort of a reading list highlighting some of the books I have read and would like to reccommend to others. I think the goal is for there to be some sort of exchange of reccommendations between everyone. Ideas included starting a thread on Kwoon talk, having a segment on the Silent River Kung Fu site, or just starting a list on my blog. So this week, to get things started, I have decided to blog about the NEW feature on the side panel of my posts, the 'Suggested Reading List'. Already, I find this tool inadequate because it is just a list, with no room for a quick synopsis or comments. Nevertheless, I need to start something, and then work with that.

The list is in no particular order.

"The Watsons Go to Birmingham - 1963; by Christopher Paul Curtis. I read this book to my daughters when they were in Elementary school, and to some of my younger students at a Junior High Outreach school when I was an Education Assistant. The book profoundly impacted both my daughters and my students. And of course, I ended up crying as I read parts of the book both times. I was reminded of this book after listening to Mr. Tymchuck talk about his visit to Alabama last month to help build a house for one of the local citizens. He spoke of his visit to the church where the two innocent young girls died when the church was bombed - an act of racism and hate. His comments reminded me of how important it was for us to know our history, how we got to the place we are at now, what things we should never take for granted, and why there is still some hate and resentment in some parts of our world. This book is reccommended for students age 9-12, but is a good read for adults also.

I Didn't Do it For You; How the World Used and Abused a Small African Nation; by Michela Wrong. I commented on this book a couple of posts ago, so I won't repeat myself.

An Illustrated Short History of Progress; by Ronald Wright. Sifu Laurie reccommended this book to me about a week ago. I highly agree with her reccommendation. Wright reviews our history of civilizations (Easter Island, Sumer or modern day Iraq, Mayan and Roman) and points out that, for the most part, they have dissappeared because of human's habit of using farming practices that destroy our environment, and our propensity towards destroying our natural resources. A really easy read, and incredibly impactful at the same time.

Diet for a Small Planet; by Frances Moore Lappe. I've just finished reading the introduction to this book. The introduction was written a few years ago. The book was first published twenty years ago. Frances Moore Lappe is a great antedote to the gloom and doom I was left feeling after reading Ronald Wright's book. She has an optimistic view of the possibilities for change that are required if this present global civilization is to be saved from collapse. In her introduction, she speaks about something called 'citizen democracy'. I believe that we should all be reading this book.

Collapse: by Jared Diamond. He is the same guy who wrote "Guns, Germs, and Steel", and an article that I had recently reccommended, called "What is Your Consumption Factor".
Same theme as the the last two books. Very informative.

Well, that's it for now. I expect that a better reading list will have categories, like 'civil rights', 'environmental issues', etc.

April is done, and it is time to take stock of my progress towards the black belt requirements.

Daily training requirements: The forms marathon, april 1st pushup/situp challenge, performing a form at the spruce grove trade show, and preparing for the tiger challenge have all helped me progress and focus on my daily training. Unfortunately, I was also derailed somewhat by some injuries. As a result, my pushups and situps and forms are going well, but kicks took a beating. Looking forward into May and beyond, I will be making some adjustments to my daily training goals. First, the goal of 27400 or 100/day of round house kicks, will be adjusted to include a number of different kicks. This allows me flexibility to decide which kicks are appropriate for me to be repeating more often. Initially, when I had set my goal, I had felt that the round house kick was a key kick and should be repeated more often than others. Since then, I have discovered that I have osteoarthritis in my knees and ankles, and the doctor has sent me to some specialists to help prevent further rapid progress into my hips. Decisions as to what types of kicks I should be practicing more often than others will now be dependent on what is best for my future health. High impact kicks like flying kicks will have to take a back seat. So far I have found that kicks that work strength and centre, like hidden leg, cross step kicks, combo kicks and kicks from horse stance are less painful. I am sure that eventually, I will be able to resume the round house with intensity, but for now, I have pulled back from it because it seems to put some strain and pain on my left knee as I return to the bow stance. Flying kicks, though I had been very pleased with my training and progress in this type of kick recently, results in alot of pain in my knees. This is extremely dissappointing, but I have to resist the temptation to continue through the pain now that I know that I am irreversibly dammaging my joints. I am worried about my cardio vascular strength and stamina because I have had to stop running also. There is now some urgency to replacing this aspect of my training with a cycling program (Cycling and swimming are reccommended replacement activities for running: I hate swimming and I love cycling). This week I plan to put together a cycling program and some intermediate goals. The first step is to pull out the old Peugot 10 speed bike which I had rigged up with a computer that reads revolutions per minute, km, etc etc (the type you can purchase at Mountain Equipment Coop) and set it up on the stationary trainer. Then, referring to the books I just checked out of the library, I will put together a training program for the stationary bike and some goals for road cycling during the summer - like x number of km per week, or x number of road trips by August, or a charity ride like the MS one from Leduc to Camrose. I'm actually kind of excited about this change of plans. I love cycling.

Memorization of Mastery requirement: Done

Personal Requirements: 1000 repetitions of a Loa Gar: The forms marathon, and the public performance this month has resulted in some major progress towards perfecting this form. It's amazing how many layers of details are inherent in this form. Just when I think I have perfected something, a sifu comes along and points out a finer detail. Last week I looked up some videos on the internet, of martial artists performing Lao Gar. Their interpretations of the style, the speed, the actions were inspiring and intriguing. I have completed 386 repetitions of lao gar from Feb to now, and I am confident that I will hit the 1000 mark by the end of August.

Personal Requirement: Public Testing Performance: Specifically, my goal had been to enter the Tiger Challenge. When I found out that it was scheduled for May 2, I contacted Master Brinker to explain that Jill had the badminton provincial tournament in St. Paul, and Janet had the volleyball provincial tournament in Calgary that very same weekend. Both tournaments required overnight stays, and parents were expected to provide the accomodation, meals and transportation. I was, however, encouraged to find a way to make the Tiger Challenge my priority. So I signed up for the Tiger Challenge. In theory, Bert would accompany Janet, and, at 17 yrs old, Jill should be ok under the supervision of her coach. Then I started training for the competition. For me, preparing for the Tiger Challenge pushed me to the next level on a number of fronts. The competitions in the Tiger Challenge mirror the challenges on testing day. What better way to focus, train with purpose, and increase intensity. The Lao Gar form took off for me and my team forms partner. I took time to put thought into board breaks and practice them. A few fight sequences were coreographed. I focused on the cane form as a weapon form for the competition. I identified my weak spots. I got worried. My training became more intense.

Its unfortunate that I did not benefit from actually being in the competition though. But I just couldn't bring myself to put myself ahead of my daughters this weekend. By Sunday, before the competition I came to a decision; this particular weekend, it was more important to me that each of my daughter's have one parent with them to witness and support them as they challenged themselves and tested themselves in the events that they had spent so much time and dedication preparing for. So, as far as this Personal Requirement is concerned, it was not fulfilled as planned. However, I have performed lao gar at the TLC, and I am hoping that this, and future perfomances this summer will satisfy. I will have to run it by Master Brinker.

I will review the other Personal Black Belt Requirements in next week's blog.