If nothing else, stay engaged

This week has been so, so busy. And Kung fu is at a transition point for me, because I have just started my life as a sifu. Intimidating. I realized that I had spent the last 6 years as a sihing. I had become very comfortable with the role, and the routine. Now, with a new class to attend, new times, new role, new expectations, and a giant black belt waving about my waist in the most uncomfortable, and shockingly ostentatious manner, I realized that I did not want to attend my very first sifu class. And with all sorts of things going on aside from Kung fu, I had a grab bag of excuses not to go to class. In fact, I even considered re-engineering my transition. Time for a Change?? Why not drop everything - kung fu classes, weapons, lion dance. Hadn't I punished my body enough this last year, training for the black belt? At my age, I would be better off without the kicking and breakfalls, the pushups, the joint locks and the sparring. I would be wiser joining a yoga class with my best friend. Pursue our dreams of cycle trips by joining spin class and training for long rides this summer. Hey, and there might be regular Chi Kung classes at this other place - why not go there? I sensed an enticing plan hatching.

I was pretty certain, though, that I was using all these excuses and all the reasoning, just to avoid a change that intimidated me. So I went to class.

I remember that 2 or 3 or more years ago, I had quit kung fu, because i had thought that it was interfering with my family life, and I wasn't getting anything out of it. I spent 6 months, trying to replace the Kung Fu with something else. I tried Tai Chi. I bought a nice bicycle, and joined a cycle club. Trained with a hard core triathalon group. Dabbled in badminton. After six months, I returned to Silent river Kung fu. I had not found anything that could replace it. I had no idea what it was about the kung fu that I missed, or couldn't do without. But I knew I needed to come back.

I should be a bit wiser today. If I were to quit again, I'd find the same thing. Sure I still want those bike trips, and now I want less punishment to my body. Yes, I find the transition of belt colors extremely uncomfortable, and disorientating. But the last thing I should do is discard the framework, the network, and the support group that will allow me achieve my other goals. Though my life is a hurricane, and I am uncomfortable with this transition, this phase will pass, and for now I need to stay engaged.

Somedays, after a hectic week like this one, the best way to stay engaged is to read my fellow students' journals. They inspire, motivate, speak to my own issues, and re-engage me. And it helps to go to class.

Claire Finnamore
Studnet Member - Silent River Kung Fu
http:www.silentriverkungfu.com