Its been 2 weeks since my last post. Life has been a little frenetic lately, and will continue to be for the next 2 weeks. It was expected; Bert and I had looked at the April/May calendar and shook our heads. Jill is at the peak of her badminton season- in the last 10 days she has won a gold medal at each of the three school tournaments she competed at. Next week are the school provincials- in St. Paul, and then right after that (the very next day) its the Canadian Nationals all week in Sherwood Park. In between all this, she's job hunting, and practicing her driving, training, doing her homework and I'm ferrying her around. Janet has her provincial volleyball tournament in Calgary next weekend; her honours band trip the very next week, and in between practices for both, she and I are battling it out as she hisses and screams over her trigonometry, and the french past participle. Bert has an out of town trip scheduled next week; and we're busy with painting and flooring so that the house can go up for sale in May.

Kung Fu, however, is supposed to be my number one priority, because I am testing for black belt in October. It's not really in my ilk to put anything much ahead of family for priorities. Master Brinker has really tested me on this, and I believe that I have given it my very best shot. I missed all three of Jill's last tournaments, Jill's teacher interviews (Bert went alone), Janet's practices, and the visit from the flooring guy so that I could practice and perform in lion dancing and a demo, participate in the forms marathon, attend regular classes and open training, participate in the pitch in clean up, and get ready for the tiger challenge. For the most part, I have to say that fiddling around with my priorities has really produced some positive overall results, for my kung fu progress, and for my perspective on what my family's real needs are and aren't. There's the stuggle with guilt too; will my daughter's hold it against me for not being there; will I have overlooked some aspect that I should have been there for them?etc, etc.

I haven't been able to shake that guilt feeling, and I'm feeling a little frazzled - I feel I need time to think and regroup. Because as the priorities have shifted towards Kung fu - the pace of progress in that department has sped up. Performing in the demo last weekend forced me to practice Lao Gar with increased intensity, so I'm farther ahead with that than I had expected - it got me thinking about everything else that I next need to turn my attention to and that has been a bit overwhelming too. Preparing for the Tiger Challenge has produced similar results with respect to the coreographed fight sequences, weapons practice, etc, etc etc. My daily home training has lost its rythm. Rather than methodically execute the kicks, hand forms, agility work, pushups, situps etc that I have selected for that week, I am reworking the musical form, practicing the traditional form and the cane form, board breaks, and trying to find time to work on the coreographed fight sequence. The end result of this is a feeling of frazzlement, unfocus, loss of direction, failure. More than once this week I've asked myself what the heck am I doing, at 47 years old, tossing family priorities to the wind, leaping around in lion costumes, swinging a cane around at imaginary assailants, doing forms at the kwoon to 2am.

But Master Brinker insists repeatedly that it is one of the most important things we will do in our life. I really do believe him because of what I've experienced so far. But right now, I'm mostly feeling frazzled.

Empathy

I've been reading a book that has helped me understand more about how the rest of the world has been living. It's called, "I Didn't Do It For You: How the World Used and Abused a Small African Nation.", by Michela Wrong. (2005) I came accross this book because I had been reading about South America, Cuba, Che Guevarra, Fidel Castro and revolutionary history. Of course, once I got onto revolutionary history, the choices of current and recent struggles and countries to read up on unfolded - in South America, Africa, and Asia. In all these instances, the momentum for revolution was provided by the destabalization created by imperial and colonial powers (USA, Europe). In the case of Eritrea/Ethiopia, which is the country of interest in the book I am reading, the Italians, British, USA and the UN have had their hand in the region within the last 100 years, to devastating effect. That was the first thing that impacted me. The second thing about the book that impacted me was gaining an understanding of what drives a nation of people to desperate and ongoing acts of revolution and guerilla warfare. Thirdly, I realized that if we want world peace, we need to understand that countries that seemingly 'can't get over past wrongs' are probably expecting those past wrongs to be repeated against them by the very people who are entering their country to 'help' them. After all, those nations that are calling for peace, are the same ones who have repeatedly committed the abuses that have devasted their country.

Another thing that I got from the book is really totally unrelated to the topic of empathy. But it may relate to our curriculum - intensity perhaps. The following paraphrase is taken from a chapter where the author is discussing the details and the life of the revolutionary soldiers who lived and fought in the mountains of Eritrea for 30 years (1970' onward).

The weapons that count:

- a sense of destiny
- a momentary forgetfullness of individual needs
- the belief that a cause is worth dying for.

Claire Finnamore

I think the present group of students in the sihing class is going to achieve something that has not been achieved often in the recent past. It sounds like we are all going to test for black belt - has that ever happened before? But that's not the special part. The special part is that slowly but surely, we are all coming together, rooting for eachother, helping eachother and getting to really appreciate how we can help eachother out through our individual strengths and weaknesses - each and everyone of us.

I think as a school, we have been a little hesitant to explore what we can achieve as a group of students. The 'personal journey' is emphasized and we tend to overlook the fact that groups of people can do alot more than isolated individuals. Master Brinker has often said that the road to black belt is a lonely one - I don't think that is neccessarily true.

I would like to quote something that I read a while back and got me thinking about how, as a group, the present class of sihings can make a contribution to what we learn and experience at Silent River Kung Fu.

From 'The Knowing Heart: A Sufi Path of Transformation' the following excerpt was written by Kabir Helminski and is entitled, 'The Premises of a Sufi Education'.

1. The soul itself needs to be educated and trained. The soul needs knowledge and practice in the areas such as self awareness, attention, will, relationship, service and worship.

2. This education and training is best conducted together with others - not just for the sake of convenience, but because of the opportunities to know ourselves through relationship and because the quality of energy that is generated and shared in a group.

3. There are people who have experience and knowledge in this area . . . to provide wisdom, guidance, and inspiration. We resist the idea of such a relationship because relationships demand something of us; honesty, commitment, change. Even if we consider ourselves on a spiritual path, we would rather commit to a technique, such as meditation, which preserves our imagined autonomy and freedom, than to a relationship and a spiritual family.

Its something worth mulling over. However we interpret the above, I believe that the present class of sihings can provide an example and leadership in the area of working together as a group.